Anesthesia Dreams
by GinaDBrewer
Summary: Tony DiNozzo gets shot while at a crime scene. What he reveals to his team at the hospital is nothing short of hilarious as he starts to come out from under the anesthesia. Not a deathfic. Standard pairings.
1. Chapter 1

**I do not own any of the characters or NCIS.**

It was like any ordinary day around NCIS headquarters. Ziva in two hours early, McGee was sitting at his desk on the phone getting information on a case, Tony was in his undershirt trying to look presentable after a long night of drinking, all they were waiting on was the boss man. Gibbs came strolling in with his cup of coffee in hand.

"Boss we got a murder just outside of Norfolk. Local authorities are saying it's a Marine." McGee started rattling off before Gibbs could even make it to his desk.

"Grab your gear. DiNozzo go get the truck." Gibbs commanded.

"Can I drive this time?" Ziva asked.

"I want to make it there in one-piece Miss David." Gibbs said before walking to the elevator. "Let's roll."

Tony could feel something was going to be wrong about today. He didn't know what but he could just feel it as he drove the truck to the crime scene. He wasn't the only one. Down in the lab Palmer and Abby were talking about a dream that she had had. It wasn't uncommon for her dreams to come true. She once dreamed that Tony had blood all over his face. That next day Kate was killed and her blood was on his face.

"Palmer I had this dream that Tony was laid up in the hospital. I sure hope nothing happens to him. But I have this feeling." Abby tried to explain. She picked up Bert her stuffed hippo and gave him a squeeze letting out a farting noise.

"Oh come on Abs it's Tony! He will be fine!" Palmer tried to comfort her.

Once the team got to the crime scene it was business as usual. There was the body of a marine lying outside a warehouse.

"DiNozzo take pictures, McGee I want you to sketch, Ziva you're with me." Gibbs said as his team went to work.

As the team went about their work they heard gun shots from inside the warehouse that made them stop in their tracks.

"Tony go around back, McGee stay here with the body, Ziva you're with me." Gibbs said running in to the warehouse. It was clear the people inside did not want the team taking that marine.

Gunshots rang from what seemed like every direction and roared in the metal building. The team was able to flush most of the shooters and take them down. When the team thought they were finished they gathered together in the middle of the building. What they didn't know is there was still one more shooter. The gunshot rang out clear as day. Tony felt a pain in his shoulder and collapsed onto the ground. Before thinking Ziva started shooting and was able to get the lone shooter. Once she knew that there were no other shooters she knelt down at Tony's side. The blood gushing from his shoulder, she tried to put pressure on it. Gibbs was busy on the phone trying to get an ambulance down to him.

"Zee-vah you know you don't have to do this. You can let me go. I will be fine." Tony struggled to say.

"No I can't lose you." Ziva said pressing her lips to his.

Tony slipped into a deep dark place and his eyes fell shut.

Gibbs came rushing over. He looked into Ziva's face and seen the young woman crying. Tony's breathing had slowed to slow painful breathes. Gibbs slapped him on top of the head.

"You don't have my permission to die. You got that DiNozzo?" Gibbs said.

"I…I got ya…boss." Tony tried to answer.

"Good" Gibbs said as he could hear the sirens making their way down into the area.

McGee showed them where the team was and paramedics rushed in to save Tony. As they tried to move him he moaned his body in a lot of pain. The paramedics loaded him up and took him to Bethesda. On the way over a million things went through the team's minds. Was he breathing on his own? Was he still alive? Was he going to pull through this?

The team rushed into the waiting room to wait on their friend. After things were done at the crime scene Ducky, Palmer and Abby showed up at the hospital as well. They would perform the autopsy and analyze evidence later. All that mattered was getting their DiNozzo back alive and not being sent to autopsy himself. After hours of waiting with no word on Tony's condition, a Doctor Kevin Blakely came out to speak to the team.

"How is he doc?" Gibbs asked.

"He's lucky to be alive. The bullet went in his left shoulder but never came out. It was lodge just slightly above his heart. It done a lot of damage to his shoulder to where he won't be working out much for a while."

That made Ziva chuckle picturing Tony actually working out.

"Can we go back and see him?" Gibbs asked.

"Yes but just for a moment. He is still trying to come out of the anesthesia so he might be a little loopy." The doctor answered.

The team filed into Tony's recovery room to find he had oxygen on and his shoulder was wrapped to where there was no way he could move it. As Tony started coming to, that's when the fun began. He seen a blurry vision of Ziva.

"I remember you. You're really cute. How about a date?" Tony asked her still out of it.

Ziva leaned down to his ear and whispered "Tony we are already dating."

"I'm the luckiest man alive! I love you! Will you marry me?"

Ziva slapped her face with her palm. 'if only he would say that without the medicine.' She thought.

Tony stuck his tongue out and started petting it. The team found this very amusing.

"Hey boss, come meet my little kitten. I named him Leroy after you." Tony said.

Gibbs couldn't take it he busted out laughing. "Tony I'm not much of a cat person."

"Are we on a spaceship? Why is there a giant squirrel flying this thing? I would almost trust Ziva's diving over squirrel mans."

Tony was cracking up the whole team. Whatever they gave him, they wanted some.

"Hey Abby look! I got a tattoo on my ass you want to see?"

"That's nice Tony, but I think we are all better off not seeing your tattoo." Abby said trying to hide her laughter.

"Come on it's a picture of Ziva's face."

Ziva's brown eyes got big. She would be glad when he was off of this crazy medicine.

"Welcome to the ride. I am Tony DiNozzo and I will be your tour guide today on the Amazon Tour." Tony said switching subjects entirely. He grabbed the blankets and the sheets and threw them off of him revealing his exposed body underneath "This tour features the anaconda and you are safe unless you got buns hun."

Many of the team members started blushing as Ducky and Gibbs tried hard to get the blankets and sheets back over Tony.

"But I'm hot"

"Well we will get you a fan my dear boy." Ducky said with a smile to Jethro.

"I am Secret Agent Sexy Pants and I am here to get you out of yours."

"No Tony it's more like Special Agent and we would like everyone to keep their clothes on." McGee said.

"Oh come on. Palmer I know you will strip for me. I may have some dollar bills if you give me a lap dance."

"Whoa Tony wow. Um I don't think I will ever look at you the same way again." Palmer said.

Dr. Blakely came in and told the team to go home and get some rest. "He will be out of the hospital in a couple of days. He can go back to work but he can't be back in the field until that arm is healed."

A week later Tony came back to work with his arm in a sling. Things were different. It was nothing like the day he got shot. No one would talk to him. Ziva was on the phone. Probie walked passed him like he wasn't even there.

"We got a dead petty officer. Grab your gear." Gibbs said walking in passed Tony.

"On it boss." Tony said eager to get back to work.

"Gas the truck." Gibbs said throwing the keys at McGee. Tony tried to catch them with one arm but then realized that the keys weren't being thrown at him.

What was going on? Did he die and have to watch his team go on without him? If so they adjusted really well. He tried to pick up his backpack.

"What do you think you're doing DiNozzo. You're staying here…cat man." Gibbs said with a smirk.

"Cat man?" Tony asked not sure of what his boss was talking about.

"Ziva please at least talk to me." Tony begged as she headed out the door.

"If only you would tell me in person what you told me at the hospital." Ziva said walking away from him.

He sat down behind his desk.

"What the heck did I do or say at the hospital." He whispered to himself.

With the ding of the elevator came Palmer.

"Autopsy gremlin! Good to see you!" Tony said excited to see someone was still there.

Palmer jumped up on Tony's desk and proceeded to take off his scrub top.

"Palmer! What the hell are you doing?" Tony asked.

Abby came walking up from behind and watched the show.

"Take it off Palmer!" Abby excitedly said.

It embarrassed Palmer but not enough to stop.

"Ok what is going on?" Tony demanded.

"Just playing out your fantasy Tony." Palmer said seductively. Abby couldn't help but laugh. Tony was never going to live this down.

 **Thanks for reading! Please review!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N I decided to go ahead and add another chapter to the story. This is my first attempt to writing humor so bear with me. I will be writing more NCIS stories in the coming days! Thanks for all the favorites and follows! The reviews are amazing! It's almost like Christmas getting to read them so please don't forget to review and let me know your thoughts! Again thanks so much for reading!**

What kind of crazy fantasy did he have to make Palmer strip in front of him, on his desk, in the bullpen of all things. Tony watched as Palmer rubbed his washboard abs and took off his scrub bottoms to reveal his boxer. Palmer was totally going to have some fun with Tony. He sat down in Tony's lap, careful not to bump his hurt arm. That's when Tony had had enough.

"Whoa big boy get off of me. Abby What the hell is this?"

"You really don't remember do you?" Abby asked.

"Remember what?" Tony asked in return.

Palmer started putting his clothes back on and Abby gave him a $20 bill.

"I bet Palmer that he wouldn't play out one of your fantasies and he bet me that he would. Great abs by the way Palmer." Abby said smiling.

Palmer was embarrassed that he even done it but smiled. It wasn't like him to flaunt his amazing muscles.

"My fantasy would not include a man and it sure as hell would not include autopsy gremlin stripping and giving me a lap dance." Tony said.

Palmer and Abby looked at each other and busted out laughing.

"After your surgery you nearly begged me to strip for you, right there in your hospital room." Palmer tried to explain. It clicked on him. That must be why everyone was acting so weird towards him.

"One of my favorite things you said was you asked Ziva to marry you." Abby exclaimed.

"I did what?" Tony yelled "She would kill me if I ever did that, especially in front of the team."

"Actually she's been waiting for you to do it for some time now Tony." Palmer tried to explain.

As the two left he downed his pain pills. The pain in his shoulder had really gotten to him. 'I bet I don't let the time on taken my meds lapse again.' He thought. 'if a proposal is what Ziva wants, then a proposal is what Ziva is going to get.'

When Team Gibbs got back to the bullpen they realized that Tony was nowhere to be found. Gibbs called down to Abby to find out if he was down there. Hopefully he was lying on the floor with Bert under his head laughing at how that damn hippo made farting noises.

"Abs have you seen Tony?" Gibbs asked.

"Not in about an hour. Is he not at his desk?" Abby asked.

"No…" Gibbs said. Before he could say anymore McGee was at Tony's desk.

"Hey boss, he left his cell phone." McGee said holding up Tony's cell phone. That was not like Tony, he took that phone with him everywhere.

"Let me see that." Ziva said grabbing Tony's phone. She went through his pictures finding photos of herself and of Tony that would make anyone blush.

"I will kill him!" Ziva said tossing the phone back to McGee.

"Wait isn't he on pain pills? He's not even supposed to be driving!" McGee pointed out.

Gibbs piercing blue eyes got wide. This cannot be good. His mind and heart started to race thinking of all the possibilities of what could have happened to his senior field agent. The ringing of his cell phone broke the deep thought he was in.

"Yeah Gibbs."

"Agent Gibbs I think I have something that belongs to you."

"Who is this?"

"Oh sorry I've always wanted to do that. This is Dr. Pitt over at Bethesda. Tony was in a car accident and is in surgery now. Why the heck he was driving is beyond me."

"We will be right there." Gibbs said and hung up the phone. "let's roll!"

"What is it boss?" McGee asked almost regretting asking as the words rolled off his tongue.

"It's Tony." Gibbs said heading for the elevator.

The team got to the hospital to wait yet again to find out the condition of their team member. Abby had brought Bert along with her. At times like this there were only two things that could comfort her, Tony and Bert. And since it was Tony in surgery, she guessed Bert would have to do.

A young beautiful doctor walked out with Dr. Pitt this time. 'If Tony knew he had such a pretty doctor, he was probably hitting on her.' Ziva thought.

"I'm Dr. Jennifer Payne, I'm the one that performed Agent DiNozzo's surgery." The young doctor said.

"How is he doc?" Gibbs asked.

"Do you know what happened?" Dr. Pitt asked.

"No we haven't been told anything." Gibbs spoke for the team.

Nervous and not thinking Abby squeezed Bert letting out a fart noise. All eyes turned to Abby.

"What? It was the hippo!" Abby tried to explain quickly.

"He was in a serious car accident. He has a concussion and had internal bleeding which we were able to stop thanks to the surgery. We will have to watch him for a few days but he is in recovery. At this point we don't know if he's lost his memory or even know who you guys are but I think it would be good for you to go back and see him." Dr. Payne explained.

The team followed the doctor back to the room Tony was in. It was just a week ago they were doing the same thing after he had gotten shot. 'Dammit DiNozzo you are so accident prone.' Gibbs thought.

Tony laid very still in his hospital bed. His head wrapped in a bandage and still had his arm in a sling. Gibbs ran his fingers through Tony's hair that was sticking out of the bandage. It took Tony a little longer to start coming around this time.

'More anesthesia, great!' Ziva thought 'what craziness will he come up with this time?'

When Tony started to wake up the fun began.

"Boss, is that you?" Tony asked.

"Yes Tony I am right here." Gibbs said trying to comfort his agent.

"Boss I want a ribeye steak."

Gibbs couldn't help but laugh. "When you get out of here I will fix you one on my grill."

"It was so nice of you to let me have this vacation. I really needed it after riding with Zee-vah. She will try and kill ya." Tony said. He then snapped his fingers with his free hand. "Where is my martini?"

"Tony you don't drink martini's" Gibbs tried to explain to him.

"Well what if I want one now? Huh" Tony demanded. His hatefulness than turned to a smile as he looked the other way. "Ziva is that you?"

Ziva rubbed his cheek with the back of her hand. "Yes Tony it's me."

"Aren't you loving our vacation together? You just wait till I get you back up to the room I am going to…" Tony said before being cut off by Ziva. She covered his mouth with her hand afraid of what he might say next. He took her hand with his free hand. "Where is your ring Mrs. DiNozzo."

It caught Ziva off guard, something that never happened. The rest of the team was shocked too that he called her Mrs. DiNozzo.

"Tony, I don't have a ring. We are not married." Ziva tried to explain.

"Hey McGee get my jacket and look in the pocket I have something I want to give to Ziva." Tony said. McGee found a small box in Tony's jacket. He really was planning on proposing to Ziva.

"Here you go Tony." McGee said handing the box over.

"Ziva David, will you marry me?" Tony asked.

Ziva was taken back. She had waited so long to hear Tony say that and give her a ring. But why now? Why in a hospital, why after being under anesthesia?

"Yes Tony I will. It's beautiful!" Ziva said looking at the ring. She slipped it on to her ring finger. He had really outdone himself. She could only wonder if that's where he was heading when he had his wreck.

"Yea we will have little DiNozzo's running around in no time!" Abby said squeezing Bert again making him fart.

That sent Tony into a bout of laughter.

"I promise boss, that wasn't me!" Tony tried to say through the laughter.

"So Special Agent Sexy Pants, when will you be coming back to work?" McGee teased.

"Oh you like Special Agent Sexy Pants?" Tony asked trying to throw the covers off of himself. Ziva and Gibbs caught the cover before he could expose his naked body to the team yet again. They went through that last week, they didn't need another "amazon tour featuring the anaconda" again.

"Where am I?"

"Your in the hospital Tony, you had a car wreck." Gibbs tried to explain to his agent.

"Why am I wet? Are we at Seaworld? Did Shamu get me all wet?" Tony asked.

Palmer decided to have a bit of fun with the agent.

"No Tony you were having a wet dream about me again." Palmer said trying to hold in the laughter.

"You must be one of those strippers from Thunder from Down Under! Gosh I love those guys! Do you really come out dressed as a cop?" Tony asked.

"No but I can play as your naughty doctor." Palmer said grinning. Palmer was in no way like that but he had to pick on Tony in light of everything.

"You have to get better Tony so you can do page 57 of your GSN book on me." Ziva whispered in Tony's ear.

His green eyes got wide. "Why can't we just do it now." Tony asked.

"When you get better we will." Ziva assured him.

The doctor had told them that Tony needed his rest. Ziva looked down at the ring. She couldn't believe that Tony was actually going to propose for real.

Ziva had stayed with Tony at the hospital as he recovered most of the time he was sleeping and didn't realize she was there.

On the first day he was mostly coherent he looked around the room and seen Ziva sitting next to him.

"Why are you here Zee-Vah?" Tony smirked.

Ziva got up and ran her fingers through his tangled hair. "I am here for you sweetheart."

Tony looked at her strange. He reached up and grabbed her hand pulling it down to see the ring on her finger.

"Your engaged? Why didn't you tell me? After all we have shared together Ziva and you didn't tell me you had another man in your life?" Tony said on the verge of tears.

"Yes Tony, I am engaged, but it's to you." Ziva said with a smile.

He didn't remember proposing and he barely remembered getting the ring. But heck if she said yes, he was going to go for it. She may never say yes again. Best not to pass up a good thing.

"So about that page 57?" Tony asked.

Ziva just shook her head and smiled. Typical Tony DiNozzo.


End file.
